The ABCs of parenting

Parenting has challenged people for as long as there have been parents. However successful or knowledgeable we are, it remains something of a mystery. Our love for our children, and our wish to spare them the hardships we faced, can sometimes get in the way of raising them well.

There is no secret recipe. Every child, every parent and every family is different, so no single approach fits all. But there are some broad guidelines I share with parents.

A is for attention

Many of us were raised, without realising it, to give attention mainly when something goes wrong. A child playing happily or doing something kind often goes unnoticed, but a fall or a bad deed brings the whole family running. Teachers often do the same with the naughtiest children in class.

Children learn from this that misbehaving is the surest way to be noticed. So give extra attention and time when your child does something good. Pay attention to the right things.

B is for the blame game

When a child trips, don’t hit the floor or the object to comfort them. Care for them, but also help them see their own part in what happened. Otherwise a child may grow up believing they are never wrong, and blame everyone but themselves.

C is for comparison

Never compare your child’s strengths or weaknesses with another child’s. It can breed a sense of superiority or of inferiority, and both are harmful.

D is for decisions

Many children today struggle to make decisions. When little is at stake, offer a few choices and let your child pick: which restaurant to go to, or what to order from the menu. Small choices build decisiveness.

E is for emotional expression

Express your feelings to your child. They should always know they are loved. If you have two children who need different kinds of guidance, make sure both know you love them equally, and that any difference in how you treat them is because each needs something different to thrive.

F is for food and screens

Many teenagers today could be called "screenagers". Heavy screen use has become a widely accepted habit that can be hard to break. Please don’t use YouTube, social media or WhatsApp to distract a child while feeding them, and limit their exposure to mobile phones as much as you reasonably can while they are growing up.

These are broad guidelines, not rules. Parenting will always be a challenge. Let’s face it with grace.

This article was first published on Practo Health Feed. Read the original on Practo